Thursday, May 31, 2012

Things I've learned from living in the country

1.  If your (dirty)  dog is hopping around barking at a shrub, and the shrub is hissing, you don't want to stick your face or hands in there to investigate.  (Don't worry, no people or animals were hurt, but underpants might have gotten slightly damp.)

2.  Similarly, if the same dog comes to you and is buzzing, make him open his mouth and let the bee go.

3.  Once your dog gets a taste of nasty foam-producing frogs, he will bite them every. single. time. (Seriously, what is wrong with this dog?!?)

4.  No matter how many protective clothes you wear out picking blackberries, the redneck mosquitoes will still manage to bite you on the boob, your armpit, and/or your a$$ crack.  Then you can be really classy scratching your private parts while out in public!

5.  If you don't wear a complete Hazmat suit while picking blackberries, you will get eaten by chiggers and want to die.

6.  If you plant it, they will come.  And by "they", I mean bugs, squirrels, stray dogs, birds, any kind of food-stealing fauna.

7.  If your neighbors have cows, they will eventually, and repeatedly, end up in your yard.  Eating what you planted.  See above.

8.  If a restaurant opens near you that serves the very best onion rings EVER, your children will move home!

9.  Some restaurants think the bathroom experience is to be intimately shared.  (I'm still trying to figure this one out.)

10.  If you want to wake up every morning enjoying the peace and beauty outside your front door, you'll move to the country!


barefoot gardener said...


We've got a couple places by us that have bathrooms just like that. I never could figure out what they were thinking!

Single Girl said...
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