I got an email from Marmite Toasty, saying she was going to start worrying about me if I didn't send up a flare. Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black! The woman who lost the entire month of January?!?! Ha!
So I am sticking my head out of the school books to say that I am alive, and doing well in my continued edumacation.
I had to sew some produce bags for an Etsy order. It's not much, not enough to keep me in chocolate bars and erasers, but hey, it's something! I headed out to my studio to start work and to check on my few broccoli and cabbage seedlings. But first, I had to clear the seed packets and germinating stuff in order to even find the table!
Cutting table? Where are youuuu?!?
These are some Vinca vines that I am trying to root from lasts years plants which are struggling to survive out by Steve the shed. We'll see if it actually works, but for now, they seem happy enough on their heating pad.
See my little seedlings?? Okay, not very impressive yet, but I have high hopes! I also planted a few more seeds... well, just in case!!
I got the bags made. My first sewing since Christmas! Otherwise, all my time, and I do mean ALL, is spent cramming my head full of science stuff. Poor Stud Muffin. He gets NO attention from me, boring-but-quick-to-produce meals, dust buffalos waving from every corner, and a wife wearing the same clothes over and over grunting hello and goodbye. Nice life, eh? Someday, honey, i promise life will get better! I'm getting good grade, though!
Now, this is for Almost Grown, who has been going to the gym everyday. Way to go! My friend, Cindy from Singapore emailed this to me, and I laughed so hard, I might have wee'd myself just a bit! I don't know who really wrote it, though.
A WEEK AT THE GYM
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.
She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Nissan in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny person to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________ _ _____________________
I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader.. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little darling) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, He would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Once I get done spitting coffee on myself reading this, I want to say Hi to everyone who has wondered if I am still alive.
Okay, Marmy... your turn!