Friday, November 30, 2007

Why I Hate Air Travel

I am out in Oregon cracking the whip over Almost Grown to finish her thesis on time, and while it hasn't been the trip from h*ll, it underscored things I hate about air travel.

1.) Feeling like you've been seated at the kiddie table at a formal function. I ended up in the second to the last row of the plane, seated next to a woman traveling with an infant and a less-than two year old. They were quite well behaved, and didn't squirm or whine any more than I did, they just didn't want to be there. The baby, seated on Mom's lap, kept reaching over when I was trying to sleep and *honking* my right breast like he was ring a dinner bell. Mom eventually took notice and discreetly *served* him, and he fell asleep. Can't say the same for me. There was still the excited 4 year old across the aisle talking loudly about everything he saw out the window, real or imagined.

2.) People who have been living under a rock, or have never seen the inside of an airplane before. A young woman encountered difficulty with the lavatory. First she couldn't operate the bifold door. Then she reemerged and grabbed the sleeve of the gentleman waiting his turn. "Help me. I can't flush this thing! Come! Don't worry, I only peed!" "Use the button marked Push." "Oh, thanks." She disappeared again, only to stick her head out and complain, "The water won't turn on! I need to wash my hands!" Arg!

3.) Seriously overweight women trying to pass each other in the aisle directly in front of me. There should be a passing zone outside of the restroom for entering and exiting that doesn't involve brushing against unsuspecting passengers strapped into seats. If I had wanted to have my face scraped by trousers as I slept, I would have asked them to wear velour!

4.) Having a feminine emergency at the airport and having to spend $6 to attend to it. There is no need for further explanation, except to say I was thankful for a female cashier.

5.) The cost of *dining* at the airport. After paying 10 bucks for a hamburger and fries in a styrofoam container, then hiking my way to my gate (ALWAYS the furthest from the starting point), depositing my things on the floor and balancing the meal on my lap, I didn't have the stomach to eat much of it.

Well, okay...five things isn't too bad! At the time, I could have sworn there a dozen or maybe 2 dozen whines in there!


Anonymous said...

DH here; You poor thing! And, you get to do it all over again coming home on Monday. Lucky you!!! The next trip will be in the palatial Motorhome. You will like that a lot more.

Celticspirit said...

I hope you're having a good time with your daughter. You had quite an interesting flight. Maybe the flight back will be just as much fun. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh how funny, a baby saying hello from Tennessee country! My sister taught me about that custom! Your sister the flight attendant here, just to remind you that we don't like air travel either. Wish everyone would walk. Flying is greyhound in the air these days. We use to be issued uniform gloves now we are issued handcuffs,no kidding, mandtory equiment for all flight attendants. Crack that whip on almost grown, get her pointed in the right direction so you can teach me how to do it with mine.

letitiah said...

"flying is greyhound in the air these days" - so true! here when you fly with a discount airline you don't even get an assigned seat. it's exactly like the bus!

flanthrower said...

A few years ago I was working with an older woman who told me stories of the grand old days of air travel. Back when real food was served on real plates and being a flight attendant was a really prestigious gig. Honestly, she might as well have been telling me about little green men living on the moon. I hate flying just about as much as I hate moving...and that's saying a lot!

Lisa said...

Flanthrower: I hate moving even more than air travel... it lasts much longer! "little green men"... LOL!