Demise of the Armadillo

Stud Muffin reported this morning that the armadillo is no more.

This is goodness, as it saves me the effort of shooting the house up trying to get it.

He was woken up at 1:30 AM by the dogs who were excited and wagging about something. He settled them back down to bed, but heard some banging noises outside of the bedroom window followed by growling.

Peering through the window, he saw the neighborhood dog pack surrounding the armadillo. Dilbert took the lead (as the enormous Weimaraner male dog that he is) and shook the snot out of the marauding critter, causing armadillo death.

Photo by rscottjones.

The canine vigilantes made off with their prize, except of some innards (eew!) which Nick promptly rolled in the next morning (double eeew!)

Studly said not to worry, that he had wiped Nick down with a wet washcloth. I don't think so! He better run that dog through the car wash and spray some "pew-fume" on him before I get home! He says, it's okay, since Nick only sleeps on my side of the bed! (Can I get a triple Eew, here?)

Stud Muffin reports that the pack was probably having a little armadillo feast to celebrate their success in battle.

Maybe they are having... quesa-dillos!

Photo by whiskeyboytx.

**********
Update: Within minutes of returning home from Vegas, both dogs got a bath, 'cause Nicky stank big time!! And had mysterious sticky stuff on him! Later, we went out front to check on the veggie garden, and Nick disappeared around the side of the house. I caught him rolling in the grass, right where Studly said the armadillo met his maker. Pee-eww!! Mega rancid stink. Bath #2 for Nick and a hefty dose of doggie cologne! Guess the guts weren't cleaned up as well as somebody thought!!

**********

Wordle for my friends

So some of you are having trouble using Wordle, so I experimented with your blogs and came up with these:

For Penny we have:



This would make me hungry, but I'm eating my way through Las Vegas.

For Barb:



Personally, I don't think this is a good representation of her blog, rather it seems to be hitting on most recent posts!

And never to be left out, Marmite Toasty gets us this:



Done in black and white, since life seems to be going that way for her right now. However, notice what words are most prominent LOL!

And since everyone seems to be enjoying wasting time right now, check out his site that Almost Grown has turned me on to this weekend. Sporcle has all kinds of fun quizzes to test your knowledge (or torture your kids!) Sad that we are sitting in Las Vegas and totally sucked at naming the casinos lining the Strip! Try it!

How to waste time

If you are a blog writer, and you want to waste some time today, hop on over to Wordle and have some fun. There, you can find out what words you use most frequently on your blog and display them like this:

Okay, I could read this better on the Wordle site!

I learned about this on Lisa Lam's blog as well as instruction on how to take a screen shot of the results!

Don't you just love the words on mine... like underpants (*snort*) and Stud (*giggle*)???

Try it for yourself!

Another Day, Another Dollar

Been making progress (slow) on the various projects around here as the summer passes by (fast.)

Remember the mulch pile?



This is it today:



I know there is still a lot left, but trust me when I say I have hauled cartload after cartload of this stuff around the yard. But, I'm pleased to say that I have finished (one side) of the studio!





Pretty, no?

Mr. Armadillo is back at it,

I just reburied that cardboard!

in spite of my expensive repellant bought at the Co-Op. Don't be a dork like I was and pronounce it "Coop" just because Rednecks don't know how to insert a hyphen in the spelling! I'm not sure what to do next, except wait for winter to kill the grubs, or set Marmy up with a few beers and a shotgun (she offered!)

Today, I pulled the rest of the tomato plants out of the raised beds. They are fermenting faster than I can pick (and eat) them. I have bottled whole tomatoes, stewed tomatoes, bruschetta, salsa, made oven roasted tomatoes, and finally, I am going to freeze the rest. The good news is that I probably won't have to plant any next year, because I should get boatloads of volunteers from what dropped into the dirt!

Now the beds are looking ready for fall planting!



Gotta take down the trellises.

And yes, I am still crazy with the wieners! Introducing,







All Beef Wiener!!

I made another pooch, too, but I can't show it to you yet (shhh, it's a surprise!)

And, Sara of Barefoot in the Garden has given me a blogger award



(Yeah, I'm too lame to get this centered right!)

Now, I knew I was a pain-in-the-*ss, but not "kick-*ss!" How cool is that?? And now, I'm supposed to pass this along to 5 other bitchin' and cool bloggers (even though I want to keep it all for myself!) Let's see...

Well, of course, there's Marmy who continues to delight people even when she's lost her soul, and is still having trouble with her leg.

Catty Ax Lady who is preparing for the arrival of a new little girl, while keeping her sanity! She kinda sucks at posting pregnancy photos, but we forgive her!

June, who doesn't know me from Adam, since I just lurk on her blog and snort Diet Coke through my nose while reading about her life! If I was smart enough to be a proofreader, and could make sense of charts and graphs of sexual diseases or whatever, we could be twins! She does some of the same things (to herself) that I do.

Barb, who has weathered relationship woes and relocations, and has pulled it all together.

And, last but not least, Walter well, 'cause he raises pigs and piglets and little piggies too!

Okay, so I hope this is enough of an update to hold you all for a few days... 'cause I'm taking a little vacation to help Almost Grown celebrate her birthday! I'm not saying where, but here's a hint

Photo by Roadsidepictures

See ya in a few!

My Lucky Day

So, it's 5:30ish, and I'm blasting around the kitchen making corn muffins to go with the BBQ chicken legs for dinner. I am expecting to hear (by phone) from Stud Muffin at any time telling me he's on his way home from work.

The dry-wallers have come and gone to add (yet) another layer of mud to the wall cracks, the laundry has been brought in from the line, and the dogs have been fed and run around outside. Nick has caught a vole or something and had barked at it (and thrown it around) until it chose to die.

Suddenly, the dogs start whining and barking and running from window to window. Studly home without calling? No. Neighbor dogs trotting up the drive? No.

Oh, sh*t! Maybe it's the UPS man with my Amazon order!!!

Photo by kroo2u.

Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem. In fact, I would be running down the drive flapping my apron at the guy until he stops and hands out a package for moi.

But today, after a long day of weeding and errand running, I am not fit to be seen by Mr. UPS. You see, I'm coloring my hair, wearing an old button down shirt of Studly's, underpants, and flip-flops! I have goo in my hair, my butt is hanging out under the shirt, showing the world my tidy-whities, and now I think someone is coming up the drive!!

Photo by khaybe.

But, today is my lucky day, because there was no UPS man or anyone else arriving at my door! Instead, the dogs were barking at birds, or bugs, or trying to distract me so they could steal the corn muffins.

Whew!!

A Limerick with kitchen update

There once was a girl from Nantucket. Okay, not really, but work with me.

There once was a girl from Nantucket,



who pulled more weeds than fit in her bucket.





Now she's tired and sore,

Finally, with Stud Muffin's help



'cause there's so many more,





Token fire ant hill to "fire" things up!

So today she said, " The weeds can just go f*ck it!"

Photo by Photo Gallery. Duh, not really me!

The End.

********************************************************************************************************************************
Update:

This same little girl from Nantucket,

got her brain stuck in a sprocket.



Her *ss was so tired,



a maid she must hire,




and to the kitchen she also said, "F*ck it!"

Thank you... I'll be here (in my recliner) all week!! Good Night!

For (slightly) younger Sis

Photo by drboman.

Oh, look! There he is now having a brewsky! What!! He's out of chips!! Well, that just won't do!

And then the Mama Bear said...

"Who's been digging in MY beds?"



Somebody has been digging where I laid fresh mulch!



AND, they peeled back the cardboard I so carefully pieced together!

It's not moles, voles, or gophers. It might be a raccoon, but mostly likely the culprit is the Nasty Nocturnal Armadillo looking for bugs, worms, or a hot new girlfriend. Bastard!! So, now Stud Muffin will have to sit on the porch after dark, with a pistol and eliminate the critter that doesn't have the good sense to go digging where I need holes and turned over soil.

BTW, did you know that if you try to grab an armadillo by the tail, it will jump straight up in the air and shriek like a little girl?? Don't ask me how I know.

Since I was out taking pictures of the 'dillo damage, I thought I would give a garden update (sort of.)

Yesterday, I decided to pick the apples, before the birds and worms got them, or Sassy learned how to climb trees for snacks.



This is one of the Gala apple trees, first thing in the morning. The overloaded branches are being held up by all manner of homemade, goofball contraptions to keep them from breaking.



Undesirables go to my helpers. Sassy knows exactly what to do with them, but poor Nick isn't quite sure.

Nick, are you making a face?!?

Once I took a bite out of it and offered it to him, he got the idea.



We got a nice basket full of apples and now I have to figure out what to do with them!! Most of them have a spot or bump and probably won't keep very long. Got to bottle them up!

Red Galas on the bottom, greenish Fujis on top.

Now I don't need the branch supports! I left one little apple on the tree because, "One wants a bit of color!"



I've cleaned up the raised beds, weeded them and removed the spent tomatoes.



The recently planted pickling cucumbers are already producing. Just a couple of cukes at a time, so I will probably have to pickle them one jar at a time too!



The new bush beans are up and running. I forgot to plant these in the spring, so I'm hoping for a fall crop instead!



The mulching continues... ad nauseum. As in I'm sick of it. Barf.



And what would a post be without a few more canine friends. Okay, how about...





Toile Poodle! Get it?? Toile... Toy... Toile Poodle? No?

Alright then, may I introduce...





Balle-wiener!! Got to love the little ballet shoes!

I think I need to have my meds changed!! Or maybe I should just spend the night plotting how to eliminate an armadillo, kinda like on Caddyshack.

Mail sent (to) a-broad and a new friend!

So you know how I love Marmite Toasty and how she has been having a bad go of it lately with her knee surgery. She is going through so much pain and worry and yet she can still lighten everyone's day with her humorous "twaddle."

I wanted to send her a little something to put a smile on her face, and figured, she of all people could appreciate these:



A panty pouch and matching booby trap one. I gave a hint of this over here.

Backside.

I mean, really, who wouldn't smile with those dancing frogs doin' their thing!

Bright green check interior.

Back when I had my 100th post giveaway, Marmy, upon not winning, said she wasn't interested in any of my veggies bags anyway, since she didn't eat veggies. I replied to her that I knew she liked tea (being British and all, it runs in their veins) and I was going to make her some reusable tea bags from a pile of thongs I found in the dumpster behind the local whorehouse.

Now, eeeeeewwwww, I would really do THAT, but she doesn't know it (shhhh!) But I did make some tea bags out of lacy bits I got on some Goodwill finds.

Black and white lace tea bags.

They needed a tag for the end of the string, so I made labels that read (on one side) "Knackered Knickers Tea Bags," and on the other side, "When you CAN'T afford the very best."



I got an email from Marmy this morning, and the package did exactly what I had hoped it would... gave her a good laugh and brightened her day!

On a totally unrelated matter, I had some free time in my studio yesterday. I got a little silly.



Can you guess what this is??




See the martini glasses?? Got a guess yet?

Alright, here is more of a view:



Last chance to guess! Scroll down for the answer.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
* Keep going!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*



It's a COCKTAIL WIENER!!!!

Gawd, I crack myself up sometimes!


So you think I should put this up in my Etsy shop??